Bound Together
One couple’s insights into BDSM

Bound Together

One couple’s insights into BDSM

Latest Posts

Your Kinkiest Fantasies Are More Normal Than You Think: Results from the Big Kink Survey

By Mimsy and Vagabond
In Research
March 30, 2026
6 Min Read
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Woman crouching while gently tugging on a belt wrapped around a crawling man's neck

Have you ever wondered if your kinks are too weird or dark? Now, thanks to the largest kink survey in the known universe, we have the data to prove they aren’t. Aella, a rationalist, sex worker, and “survey artist,” has spent years running and refining a survey of nearly 300 kinky dimensions. As of today, the Big Kink Survey (BKS) has over a million respondents and offers an unprecedented look into our collective kinky psyche. Though it offers a treasure trove of data, its greatest insight isn’t about what people are into, but rather how surprisingly common all our kinks are. Here are five key takeaways from the BKS.

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Pillion: Why This BDSM Film Isn’t the Rom-Com You Think It Is

By Mimsy and Vagabond
In Entertainment
February 26, 2026
8 Min Read
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A man with water dripping down his face and a padlock chained around his neck

“A timid man is swept off his feet when an enigmatic, impossibly handsome biker takes him on as his submissive.” That’s the anodyne description of the new BDSM movie Pillion, directed by Harry Lighton. Reviewers are describing it in even more lighthearted terms, calling it a rom-com (or dom-com), which, based on the trailer, is a fair assumption. But in reality, the movie is a much darker and less funny portrayal of an unhealthy BDSM dynamic that lacks proper negotiation and is largely getting a pass because it focuses on gay men instead of a heterosexual couple. Let’s dive into the details. (This post contains spoilers.)

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Beyond “Yes Means Yes”: Understanding Erotic Astonishment

By Mimsy and Vagabond
In Communication
January 29, 2026
9 Min Read
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Woman with eyes open wide in astonishment

In the early days of Mimsy’s kink exploration, she hooked up with a guy who slapped her across the face during sex. It was utterly surprising and thrilling and remains etched in her memory to this day. The catch? It wasn’t negotiated in advance. Of course, this goes against every bit of BDSM conventional wisdom: Communicate clearly, negotiate before a scene, get explicit permission. But what about things you don’t know you want and therefore wouldn’t consent to in advance—BDSM surprises that only work because they catch you off guard? This is where the concept of erotic astonishment comes in. 

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BDSM vs. Self-Harm: Understanding the Difference Between Hurt and Harm

By Mimsy and Vagabond
In Health
December 28, 2025
7 Min Read
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Person with scars on arm

As a teenager, Vagabond sought out creative ways to shock himself—with low-voltage electronics, exposed wires, computer parts, you name it. As an adult, Mimsy was in a long-term relationship with a man who used to punch himself until he bruised. To an outside observer, these two behaviors might look very similar. After all, they both involve self-inflicted injury. But for Vagabond, shocking himself to feel sharp, sustained pain was a way to satisfy his masochistic desires, whereas Mimsy’s partner punched himself out of self-loathing and rage. In this post, we’ll explore the distinction between BDSM and self-harm—or, as the kink community might frame it, the distinction between hurt and harm.

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Research Recap: How Your Childhood Affects Your BDSM Interests 

By Mimsy and Vagabond
In Research
November 30, 2025
4 Min Read
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angry-looking woman

The BDSM community has spent years combating the stubborn notion that being kinky is somehow the result of an unhappy or abusive childhood. Into spanking? Then you must have been spanked as a kid. Into being dominated by a man? You must have daddy issues. It was a relief when some studies showed that kinksters aren’t any more likely to have childhood trauma than vanilla people. But research is always evolving, and now a 2025 study paints a more complex picture. Here’s what you need to know.

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Bound Together
One couple’s insights into BDSM