As anyone exploring BDSM has likely discovered, finding reliable educational resources can be a challenge. While experienced kinksters often emphasize the importance of classes and community learning, many newbies turn to pornography to explore and learn about kink. But how well does porn actually educate people about BDSM? A February 2025 study by Iris Ryn Olson and Bryce Westlake examines this question, revealing the gaps, benefits, and risks of using porn as a learning tool about BDSM. Here’s what you need to know about the study.
As an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases made via one of the links below (at no additional cost to you).
Depending on what you read, the premise of the erotic drama Babygirl is either believable and feminist or unbelievable and deeply unfeminist. The kink in the movie is either realistic and titillating or unrealistic and passe. The movie was either clearly made by someone with kink experience or by vanilla know-nothings. There have been so many contradictory takes on this movie it’s hard to know what to think.
But the director, Halina Reijn, has given us a huge hint about this tale of a high-powered female CEO’s D/s affair with a young male intern. In an interview with Cosmopolitan, she said, “We’re witnessing two people who are not doing it totally right. They have no experience in the Dom/sub world. My movie is a fable, it’s not a documentary. It’s a cautionary tale.” It’s through this lens that we’ll discuss the good and the bad of Babygirl. (This post does include spoilers.)
Allegations of sexual abuse and assault against the famous author Neil Gaiman first came to light in 2024 via the podcast Master, which presented the accounts of four women who had been sexually involved with Gaiman. An article in Vulture in early 2025 brought renewed attention to those allegations and included the stories of additional women.
Collectively, these accounts revealed a pattern: Gaiman seems to have sadistic dominant tendencies and picked vulnerable, mostly much younger, women to enact them with. In many of the cases, the women allege that they hated his treatment of them but felt compelled or coerced to consent. Gaiman’s position is that all of these relationships were entirely consensual. This raises important questions about the ethics of domination and submission in a BDSM dynamic.
When people talk about generative AI, they’re usually referring to large language models (LLMs), which try to predict the best answer to your questions based on the published history of a topic. You’ve probably used it to ask questions you would have Googled in the past (How long does it take to cook chicken thighs? What causes lake-effect snow?). Or maybe you’ve used it to do work-related tasks like draft code or revise the tone of an email you want to send. Some people find it fascinating and helpful, while others are deeply suspicious of its capabilities. Love it or hate it, one thing is clear: AI is here to stay. So, if you’re game, why not try to use it in BDSM? In this post, we’ll explain how AI can help you with two common BDSM tasks: coming up with scene ideas and writing a contract.
As an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases made via some of the links below (at no additional cost to you).We may earn from non-Amazon links as well.
When it comes to giving kinky gifts, it can be hard to know where to start. How do you find quality gear? What if you’re on a budget? What gifts are good for newbies versus experienced BDSM players? We’ve got you covered! There’s something on our list for every kinkster.
Books
It’s no secret that a lot of kinksters enjoy reading about BDSM—how to do it, why people are into it, the history of it, you name it. Here are a few of our favorite books on the subject. Check out our Resources page for more ideas.
Please Scream Quietly: A Story of Kink: Sociologist and kinkster Julie Fennell digs into the norms and nuances of the public BDSM scene, including what kinds of people are attracted to the scene, the values that the scene teaches and promotes, and how the scene differs from the rest of society.
Sadomasochism and the BDSM Community in the United States: Stephen K. Stein chronicles the history of the American BDSM community, from its fractured beginnings in the 1940s, through its heyday in the 80s and 90s, and its subsequent diffusion in the 21st century.
The Toybag Guide to Playing with Taboo: This slim volume by Mollena Williams explores some kinks that are considered to be taboo even within the BDSM community (e.g., religion, race play, bodily fluids, etc.) and what to consider if you want to venture into this territory.
Gear
The amount of BDSM gear and toys on the market can be truly overwhelming, especially if you don’t know exactly what you’re looking for. Here are some of our favorites that appeal to different kinks and are relatively affordable. Check out our BDSM on the Cheap post for more ideas.
Bondage rope: Bondage rope comes in a wide variety of materials (hemp, jute, bamboo, MFP, etc.), thicknesses, and colors. The options can be a bit overwhelming, but we’ve broken some of them down in our Bondage Rope Roundup. One of the best sources for rope we’ve found is Twisted Monk. If you’re not sure what kind of rope to get, you can order a sample pack, which provides an opportunity to feel different types of rope before deciding what to buy more of.
Other restraints: Not everyone who’s into bondage likes rope. There are a variety of other types of restraints that make great gifts, such as cuffs or bondage tape. Our Guide to Bondage Without Rope covers all the details.
Collars and harnesses: Not only will you and yours look hot in a harness, but they also provide a shortcut to make handles or anchor points for other restraints. Try strapping in with Stockroom’s collars, harnesses, and more.
Bear claws: These are often sold as salad forks or meat claws and are an ingenious sensation play pervertible that can leave some wonderful scratches.
Blindfold: We love this silky blindfold sash because it also doubles as a restraint for bondage and is very portable. You can even wear it as an accessory if you want!
Experiences
If you’re looking for kinky gift ideas for someone who already has it all, an experience may be a good option. BDSM experiences run the gamut from play parties to classes to weekend-long conventions and getaways.
Play parties: Entry fees for play parties are often under 100 dollars for a couple and give you the opportunity to watch as many scenes as you want or participate in your own. The best place to find listings of BDSM parties in your area is FetLife. But you can also search mainstream event sites like Eventbrite.
BDSM conventions: If you have more money to spend, consider taking your SO to a BDSM convention where you can attend classes and play parties and be around other kinksters for an entire weekend or longer. There are multiple conventions that occur annually across the U.S. and around the world, such as the Dark Odyssey events.
BDSM classes: One of the best ways to learn about BDSM is by taking classes, either in person or online. Online classes are often quite affordable and fun to take with a partner. Check out Forbidden Tickets for loads of classes taught by a variety of instructors. Some instructors also offer private lessons, which are more expensive. Alternatively, you can give the gift of on-demand video classes via Kink Academy. For $20 a month, you get unlimited access to their extensive library of video tutorials.
Custom photo shoot: Book a boudoir or fetish photographer for a private solo or couples session. This can be a super hot way to memorialize your kinkiness.
Kinky weekend getaway: For the ultimate BDSM experience, book a kinky getaway at a dungeon or vacation rental that has BDSM equipment in it (some Airbnb properties offer this, for example).
